Helen Fisher studies the brain in love | Video on TED.com

Helen Fisher studies the brain in love | Video on TED.com

Bat it Down

'The only way to beat it is to bat it down.'

       They say humans are able to survive change - they are able to adapt to environments and unexpected circumstances. No one could ever argue that - look how long we have been around! (fortunately or unfortunately for the rest of the planet) But that is all in terms of physical, tangible life. We survive intangible obstacles too however; feelings, blockages, let-downs, heartache, all types of trauma, but not without a price.

        As children we do as we please, we play, scream, demand, laugh and express ourselves without thinking about the consequences. Maybe that is why some people say that children are cruel and in a way they are right. Sometimes children can say some really hurtful things and put an individual in a seriously awkward position. They do this not to insult or hurt but simply because they think and verbalize. They are straight forward, honest and raw. They do not have the filters that life slowly puts into place as experience prohibits certain behaviour patterns and manerisms. Don't get me wrong - we should be thankful for those filters because otherwise people in society would plainly not be able to work together or coexist at all.

         From a very young age children learn how to shield themselves from unpleasant emotions and situations. One of these defense mechanisms has recently come to my attention. Forgetting. It is simply incredible that the human being can order the brain to forget - to wipe out or block out. Freud named this specific defense mechanism Repression, "Pulling thoughts into unconscious, preventing painful or dangerous thoughts from entering consciousness; seemingly inexplicable naivety, memory lapse or lack of awareness of one’s own situation and condition. Emotion is conscious, idea behind it absent. Pushing uncomfortable thoughts into the subconscious." Ring a bell? 

         I thought I was generally quite an open person. I do talk a lot which can be confidently proven by the people close to me. I talk about feelings and all that mushy stuff going on inside but last night i had a realization. I do not express the things that hurt me most. I said something that not only shocked someone extremely close to me but it also shocked me. A piece of information so obvious to me had never been spoken out loud. "You never told me that, I had no idea!"... Well neither did I. I was completely unable to talk about that 'piece of information' without chocking up. I was sure that I had spoken about it, that it was common knowledge. After saying it out loud I dug a little further and found that it in fact still really affecting and bothering me. I had chosen to forget about it, had forbidden myself to think about it let alone talk about it. I was embarrassed by it. 

      Here's the silver lining (because there always is one somewhere in amongst the cumulonimbus clouds), I feel lighter. Saying it out loud and hearing the response was liberating. I no longer feel embarrassed about something so well hidden away. I am now also able to work on shifting some of that weight off my shoulders. This does not mean that it will disappear but it does mean that I can accept it and stop suppressing it. Keeping things hidden like that will build up. Its like layering unresolved problem upon unresolved problem creating a huge, think wall of mud. It is difficult to know where to start scraping when the damn thing gets so big and tall. 

       It is a start just being aware of this subconscious suppression. It is a start being aware and trying to deal with things as they come. Incident - feeling and dealing. That way you can bring the stacking down to a minimum and can start shedding unwanted weight from your shoulders.  I think it sounds like a good plan. 

         

Great way to begin a day

         Spin class bright and early was as expected - pretty damn tough! But not too tough to handle. Sitting at the back of the class nobody could see the sweat dripping off my nose and the look on my face as i wiped my eyes to stop them from stinging. The music was loud as well which drowned out the sound of me breathing like a woman in labor. No, it was not that bad, the music was actually amazing, so loud but amazing. It did just what it is supposed to do, gave you a beat to cycle to and made you forget about the burning sensation in your thighs just for the right amount of seconds to keep you going in between screaming (internally) "ENOUGH ALREADY".
        What was really great about this morning however was the Hatha Yoga class. This class focuses more on the meditative side to yoga rather than strenuous exercise. Breathing seems so difficult in the beginning. You are thinking the air does not go into my stomach so its no surprise this feels so awkward. Who knew that breathing properly could make your back hurt or that sitting up straight is so bloody tiring. After a few minutes however when your brain actually allows you to get into it and agrees to shut all the junk out for an hour and a half it becomes second nature. Of course your brain kind of gets bored in between and tries in a sneaky and subtle way to butt in but it doesn't persist for too long, you've just got to be firm.
         Throughout the class you are told to breathe with the movement of your body and feel your body elongating and stretching (I swear i feel taller after doing yoga). It creates a glow and a serenity that attaches itself to your body that makes all your movements (in and after the class) seem graceful. I realize that all that is, is calmness and stillness. That wonderful feeling can be brought back throughout the day just by taking a few deep breathes and remembering to be aware of your body - incredible. It is scary just how oblivious we are to our nerves and our manic thoughts. Fears, insecurities, anxieties - they cloud our minds and our bodies. I have a sneaky suspicion that anger, irritation and impatience are products of those things. I think everyone will agree that they are unpleasant emotions and we do not have to deal with them at all. These all may seem like obvious points but i myself know that i forget about them very quickly during the day.
         Anyway at the end of the class we were all lying there legs and arms away from the body and completely calm. He went over each part of the body and told us to imagine a warm yellow light coming over us from the tips of our toes to the top of our heads. He then told us to thank our bodies for participating. The most important thing is said however for me was that we have to love our bodies and we must not be hard on them. "Don't criticize your body too harshly" he said and went on to explain that there are much deeper things and that our bodies deserve respect. Although i agreed with this fact before he verbalized it i loved hearing it and would like to hear it every day. We all know how we get about ourselves, we dont like our thighs, and our hips are too wide and we have cellulite and the list goes on. Well, doing this every morning just creates a little love between two parties of a very long and important relationship. You leave the room feeling like a new person, ready to face the traffic and the queues and the chaos with patience, respect and compassion.

Oh - and the yoga teacher is cute!! 

Teenage Love Affairs vs. Life

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzlRPoyt2OA

        I remember listening to this song at the age of 16, completely and utterly in love (as teenagers tend to be).
Everything is so extreme - running on such high emotions is tiring but seriously exhilarating. As one gets older i feel like we start leveling out. Leveling out to a banal, flat logic. There is a line running down the middle (of emotion) and we stay in that area. I am starting to think that it is better to feel terribly sad rather than 'uncomfortably' numb. Maybe that is why we like watching movies and listening to music because for a while we can and are allowed to live in that tragically romantic reality that we used to know. When did it become an annoyance or a pathetic characteristic to be a romantic? When did it become inappropriate to talk about feelings and emotions? I hear myself apologizing every time i sound dull or down - worried that i am dragging other people down my damp, muddy hole.
        Being emotional and sensitive is now frowned upon, while sounding practical and logical is praised. Well i am sorry but when people tell me with straight, serious and nonchalant expressions on their faces that happy marriages are a myth and that 90% of men cheat of their wives; i just can't seem to play up to that 'grown-up' - i am realistic role. I still want to believe in love and i still want to dream of having a happy family. "You are so naive" they say, "dont get upset at me - im just being realistic" ... That is usually when the conversation ends because i decide i do not feel like letting one conversation ruin my entire day.
         The point is why would you go through life undermining some of the most important and special relationships - keeping your distance and 'watching  your back' when you could live your life in a beautiful light? Anyway this has gone from 16 year old love affair to serious marital commitment.

Being positive can give positive results is what i am saying - all in theory of course (for now)...
I think we should try and think about things a little more like 16 year olds - minus the getting drunk on the sideswalk and crying our little fragile hearts out. 

Simplicity

Whoosh from one door out the other
Goes the wind without one bother
No care in the world but its own freedom
No need to explain, it has no reason

And here we are wondering where we have been
Thinking over and over about what we have seen
The wind doesn't think of what it has seen
And does not ponder about where it has been

Sometimes we should just copy its characteristics
And forget about all the specifics
Just think today is here and here is now
Don't bother searching for the how

No point in all the hustle and bustle
Skip the game and simply just shuffle
Stop and think about simplicity
Its beauty bestows tranquility...